1. Egg Carton Caterpillar: Cut the egg carton off and discard. Cut the bottom of the egg carton in half lengthwise. Note: 1 egg carton makes two caterpillars. Paint both halves with bright colours. You can paint each egg slot a different colour if the child likes. Cut the pipe cleaner and insert two pieces into the head end of the caterpillar for antennae. Lastly, glue the googly eyes onto the head. If you are using white felt, cut into small circles for eyes and use markers to make black pupils in the eyes. (materials needed: 1 egg carton, paint, pipe cleaners, glue, googly eyes or white felt scraps and black marker, scissors)

2. Lollipop Friends: Glue the eyes on the styrofoam ball (or paint them on). Cut a small triangle from the black felt for a nose and glue it on (the camper may also use a bead for the nose). Cut two small strips from the black felt for the eyebrows and glue them on. Cut a mouth (any shape the camper likes) from the red felt and glue it on. Glue strips of yarn on the head of the face you have made for hair. When you are sure that everything is glued on well and dry, stick the lollipop stick into the bottom of the head where the neck would be. (materials needed: small Styrofoam balls- 2-3” round, small googly eyes, or you can use beans, beads or just paint eyes and nose on, small scraps of felt- brown, black, red and blue, small scraps of colourful yarn, lollipop sticks and glue)

3. Tanagram Puzzle: Tanagram is an ancient Chinese puzzle often called the “seven pieces of cleverness.” The object is to rearrange the pieces of a square to form different figures. Start by making a square piece of paper. To start making the square, fold one corner of a piece of paper over to the adjacent side. To finish making the square, cut off the small rectangle, forming a square. Fold the square piece of paper in half, then in half again (making a square that is divided into quarters). Repeat this step (resulting in a square that is divided into sixteenths). Unfold the paper. Draw lines along the red lines marked at the left. Cut along these lines. You will now have seven pieces- a small square, two small isosceles triangles, a medium-sized isosceles triangle, two large isosceles triangles and a parallelogram. (An isosceles triangle has two equal angles and two equal sides. A parallelogram is a four-sided figure with each side parallel to the opposite side). You can arrange these seven pieces into an incredible number of shapes; making animals, people, everyday objects, etc…See how many the campers can make and invent new ones! (materials needed: paper- cardstock or other thick paper works well, scissors, ruler and a pencil).

4. Apple Dolls: To start, choose an apple for the doll’s head- the bigger the better! The carved fruit will shrink to about two thirds its original size. Red Delicious apples work well. Peel and core the apple. Carve a face on one side, using the tip of a potato peeler to hollow out deep-set eyes and a paring knife to make a slit for a smile or a frown. For a nose, incise a triangle that extends from between the eyes toward the mouth. Ambitious carvers can add ears, dimples and extra facial creases. Store the carved apple in a dry spot until it shrinks. Once the head is dry, use coloured markers or water-based paints to enhance the eyes, lips and rosy cheeks. To make the body, cut the base off the plastic bottle. Plug the top with a cork to serve as the doll’s neck. Wrap the fabric around the body so that it extends beyond the top and the bottom of the bottle. Secure the fabric around the bottleneck with a rubber band and then fold the cloth down. Tuck excess cloth at the base into the bottle. Now top off the doll by gently pushing the cored apple down onto the cork. It generally takes two weeks for the doll’s head to dry, but campers will agree that the result is worth the wait. (materials needed: apple, vegetable peeler, paring knife, coloured markers or paint, wool yarn, scissors, 16-ounce plastic bottle, bottle cork, fabric scraps, rubber band).

5. Dough Handprints: Add food colouring to the water. Use pink for girls and blue for boys. Mix all ingredients well, kneading until smooth. Dough should be pretty stiff, not soft or runny or it will fill with air bubbles when baking. Form dough into a ball, of about what you can enclose in your two hands and form into a round smooth ball. Using a rolling pin with the dough on wax paper, roll out into as round of a circle as you can. Dough will be about ½ inch thick. Press your camper’s hand with fingers splayed into the dough. Depending on the child’s age, you will have to help and individually press their fingers. Make sure to press deep enough without going completely to the bottom. (When it bakes, it tends to raise the handprint up). Put on a cookie sheet. Use a chop stick or a pencil to make two holes in the top about ½ inch apart. This will be used to string the ribbon through. Bake at 200 degrees for about 2-3 hours. Dough should be fairly hard but watch to see that it doesn’t burn. When they are done and cooked, use a gold marker pen and write the child’s name and date (year). You can put the child’s name on top and the year on the bottom or if there isn’t room, put the name on one side and the year on one side. Tie a ribbon at the top to use as a loop to hang. (materials needed: 2 cups of flour, 1 cup of salt, 1 cup water, food colouring, ribbon, gold marker and wax paper).

These are just a few art activities that can help make time with your child special, fun and interesting.  Use your imagination with all of them and create unique projects that will make lasting memories!

Before bullying even occurs, camps should have prevention programs implemented within the cabins and the camp.  A successful camp environment occurs when directors and counselors set an appropriate and positive tone, give and get respect, build relationships by connecting with campers and set clear rules and expectations for behaviour.

“The key to preventing violence lies in shaping children’s beliefs, attitudes and behaviors before violence becomes an automatic manifestation of their anger.”
Carole Remboldt, Educational Leadership, Sept. 1998

Prevention Strategies Include the Following….

• Take the time to build a positive relationship with the child who bullies.  This type of relationship building is an experience that builds trust between the child and the counsellor.  Bullying is less likely to occur at camp if campers and counselors feel connected and responsible for each other.  Positive relationships also empower campers to report bullying, get help and voice concerns.
• Teaching of non-violent, non-racist and non-sexist ideas, values and behaviours as a core part of the everyday curriculum.  Help children understand and appreciate cultural and gender differences (i.e. have a culture day, where each child brings in an item or food representing where they come from).
• Teach social skills, including communication, making friends, accepting feedback from others, conflict resolution, appropriate assertiveness and problem-solving (This can be done by arranging opportunities for children to participate in different helpful activities with peers, while providing support and positive attention for these actions.).
• Provide an environment where there are a variety of opportunities for children to succeed.
• Modelling by the counsellors of positive, respectful and supportive behaviour by the counsellor toward campers and other staff.  It is important for counsellors to think about their own attitudes to children who are bullies and victims.  Children can sense whether or not an adult is supportive.
• Using co-operative learning groups to include less popular, more timid children in small, positive and accepting social groups.  Group play encourages cooperation, sharing and negotiation.  Teach bullies empathy, victims confidence and bystanders can learn to team up to say “stop” or be a buddy or tell a teacher.
• Better supervision during free time, at dining tables and in bathrooms by adults (this feels like more work at first, but if it is continued and is consistent, it will pay off in the end and improve the overall camp climate).
• Understanding campers with special needs- their abilities and limitations and helping other campers understand their needs, helps improve sensitivity and decreases chances of bullying.
• Ask older and more experienced campers to help new and younger campers.  By enlisting their help, they will be less likely to pick on these more vulnerable groups.
• Generous praise for pro-social and helpful behaviour by campers.
• Specific camp and cabin rules against bullying.
• Cabin meetings about bullying.
• Improve communication among counsellors, directors, parents and campers
• Listen respectfully to bullying concerns raised by campers, parents and camp staff.  Support victims and give them a sense that they are being protected.  Avoid blame and focus on problem-solving.
• Avoid sex-role stereotyping (e.g. males need to be strong and tough).  Foster friendship between girls and boys whenever possible.
• Avoid emphasis on competitiveness at camp.  Use outdoor time as a way to foster cooperation and friendship.  Avoid competitive games.
• Enlist cabinmates to help the victims and include them in group activities (praise when this is done).

• Develop a routine within the home around bedtimes, mornings, mealtimes, chores and responsibilities. This type of structure gives kids an increased sense of security and confidence.
• Stay in contact with the teacher, attend meetings, read newsletters, volunteer for school events and attend parent/teacher interviews. This helps open the lines of communication and improve the relationship between you and the school.
• Give your child practical and everyday experience (at home) with reading, writing and math.
• Encourage get-togethers with classmates and other kids to help make school more enjoyable.
• Work out a homework schedule with your child including where the homework is done and how much time is to be spent on it. Provide a quiet, clean workspace whether it be at a desk or kitchen table. Make your child responsible for their homework and make sure there are consequences in place (by yourself and/or the teacher) should the homework not get done. • Limit television watching and time on the computer. As much as possible children should spend their extra time developing skills through physical activity, arts and crafts, reading and socializing.
• Catch academic, behavioral and/or social problems before they get out of hand or go too far. Deal with issues as they come up instead of waiting to see if things will improve.
• Know what is going on in your child’s life.
• If something goes wrong and your child fails a test or a subject, offer support and understanding, encouragement and a chance to redeem him or herself.
• Do not sweat the hairdos, clothes or music of otherwise happy students and kids.
• Show your child how you work hard and learn new things. Help him/her find answers to difficult questions in books, library resources or on the internet.

And most importantly…

• Be positive about school; on a regular basis talk to your child about their day at school, get excited about upcoming lessons and events and support the teacher as well as your child.

Susan Lieberman is in private practice in Toronto as a family therapist and public speaker. For more information call (416) 512-6356.

As the first day of school nears, many parents are asking themselves how to make this school year a good one. Family therapist Susan Lieberman suggests ways a parent can give their child a head start before and after school arrives.

• Develop a routine within the home around bedtimes, mornings, mealtimes, chores and responsibilities. This type of structure gives kids an increased sense of security and confidence.
• Introduce yourself to your child’s teacher. This helps open the lines of communication and improve the relationship between you and the school.
• Give your child practical, every-day experience (at home) with reading, writing and math.
• Encourage get-togethers with classmates and other kids to help make school more enjoyable.
• Work out a homework schedule with your child including where the homework is done and how much time is to be spent on it. Make your child responsible for their homework and make sure that there are consequences in place (by yourself and/or the teacher) should the homework not get done.
• If time permits, offer yourself as a volunteer for school events; in other words, get involved!
• Catch academic and/or social problems before they get out of hand or go too far. Deal with issues as they come up instead of waiting to see if things will improve.
• Limit television watching. As much as possible, children should spend their extra time developing skills through physical activity, arts and crafts, reading and socializing.

And most importantly…

• Be positive about school; on a regular basis talk to your child about their day at school, get excited about upcoming lessons and events and support the teacher as well as your child.

Susan Lieberman is in private practice in Toronto as a family therapist and public speaker. For more information call (416) 512-6356.

Signs and Symptoms:

• Tearfulness
• Loneliness- sitting alone at mealtime, not participating or making an effort to get involved
• Not eating or sleeping
• Attention grabbing behaviour

How to Prevent and Deal with Homesickness:

Developing this new support system begins the first day of camp.

1. Make sure the child feels welcomed and don’t let them get lost in the crowd.  Know their name, accept them and find a way to show them you care.

2. Keep the camper busy with activity.  A busy camper gives them less time to think about home.

3. Have the camper get involved with games and camp traditions- this can also make it easier to make friends

4. Help the child make it through the first few nights/days.  These can be the toughest.  However, most campers who stay strong will tell you that it gets much easier.  Getting into the swing of camp life, will make it easier to have fun.

5. Encourage the camper to become part of the group.  This can make homesickness fade and hopefully the other campers will begin to feel like a second family.

6. At night, when it gets dark and the whole camp is walking towards their cabins, this is when homesickness can set in.  Be on top of those campers that appear vulnerable.  Stay close by the first few nights.  Make sure they know that you are there, talk about everything that happened that day and all the great things that are going to happen tomorrow.  Keep them thinking about camp.

7. After “lights-out,” return to the child to reassure them of your presence.  Try not to mention home at all.  Use phrases like “Let’s get through today and then see how you feel.”

8. You might need to get tough- sometimes this works better than the sympathetic approach.  Make sure they know that going home and calling home are not an option.  Tell them how they will be proud of themselves when they get through this experience.  Encourage them and be positive and excited about the day ahead.

9. Allow the camper to be a leader and expert at camp.  Get them to take the focus off of themselves by helping other campers.  For example, “I’ve noticed that Sam hasn’t played soccer before.  You seem pretty good at it.  Could you play with him and help him practice?”

10.  Meet with the camp director or other counselors to brainstorm ideas for helping the camper get through being homesick.

Only as a last resort would you bring the camper to the camp director.

When a camper is behaving badly, ask yourself “Who is this behaviour affecting?” if the answer is “the counsellor” or “the whole cabin” then use “I” messages as opposed to reflective listening.  To influence your camper, you must be able to communicate in a manner which makes it likely that your feelings, meanings and intentions are being understood.  An “I” message describes how the child’s behaviour makes you feel.  The message focuses on you, not on the child.  It reports what you feel.  It does not assign blame, for example “When you refuse to do an activity, I get concerned because I worry that you are unhappy.”  “I” messages express what the sender is feeling.  They are specific.  In an “I” message, the nonverbal elements, such as tone of voice are crucial.  “I” messages require a nonjudgmental attitude.  An “I” message delivered in anger conveys hostility.

How to Construct an “I” message:

Tip: Focus on the consequences the behaviour creates for us as parents, rather than on the behaviour itself.

• Describe the behaviour which is interfering with you.  (Just describe, don’t blame).  For example “When you fight with Julie...”
• State your feeling about the consequence the behaviour produces for you.  For example “...I worry about how you are feeling and how Julie is feeling...”
• State the consequence.  For example “...because I don’t know what is bothering you...”

**A more simple formula of stating an “I” message would be to use the following phrases:

• When (state the behaviour)
• I feel (state the feeling)
• Because (state the consequence)

Tip: An “I” message does not always have to contain a statement of feeling.  For example, “I can’t hear the other campers when there is so much noise.”  Or “I can’t continue this activity because I worry that you are unhappy.”  Construction of an “I” message depends upon the situation.  The most important things to remember about “I” messages are that they focus on you; they do not focus on the child and they do not place blame on anyone.

• Acknowledge and praise your children when they are playing well together
• Each day find at least three things your children do well and let them know you like it
• Acknowledge and praise your child when they express kindness, love or consideration towards their sibling and identify this act of kindness to the sibling receiving it
• During occasions of celebration (birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, graduation, etc...) encourage siblings to make a card or give to give one another
• Encourage moments of sharing
• Spend time with each sibling separately.  This will promote individuality and it will also prevent children from vying for your attention
• Encourage expressions of love and affection by modelling and by indirect suggestions: hugs, kisses, handshakes, “I love you,” “I like what you did,” “Thank you for helping me,” (encouraging politeness with one another), “Happy Birthday,” “I’m sorry you lost your favourite doll.”
• Allow special times together.  Have fun.  For example, reading together, playing family games, family outings, dinner out to celebrate something...

Suggested Reading:

• Siblings Without Rivalry: By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
• A Parent’s Guide To Child Discipline: By Rudolf Dreikurs, M.D.
• Parenting Young Children: Systemic Training For Effective Parenting (STEP): By Don Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay and James S. Dinkmeyer
• The Difficult Child: By Stanley Turecki, M.D. with Leslie Tonner

*Most books are available at Parentbooks- 416-537-8334

Susan Lieberman is in private practice in Toronto as a family therapist and public speaker. For more information call (416) 512-6356.

• Assure them that both parents love them
• Give them reassurance and understanding
• Acknowledge their dilemma and confusion
• Allow them to be loyal to both parents
• Minimize conflict in front of your children
• Try not to substitute children for adult companionship
• Children should maintain links with their extended family
• Share feelings and/or information with your children- children feel terribly insecure and fearful when you keep them in the dark
• Inform your children that leading a good life after the divorce requires teamwork and demands new responsibilities from everyone in tending to household duties.  Children welcome being part of a team; it makes them feel needed and more secure
• How you talk to your children is just as important as what you talk to them about.  For example, they will hear  your anger if you keep raging at the injustices in your life and will believe that they are the cause of your anger
• Explain to your children why you are working- because you have to provide their food, home and fun times you have together.  You reassure them that going to work is not a way of abandoning them, but is how you show them that you love them

Set up a support structure for your child.  People who could be a part of your child’s support network could be: the parents’ of your child’s best friend, your child’s teacher, your family doctor, family, friends, a therapist who specializes in children, after-school group activity leaders, a pet and most importantly, yourself!

Susan Lieberman is in private practice in Toronto as a family therapist and public speaker. For more information call (416) 512-6356.

Reflective listening allows children to feel comfortable in coming to us with problems and gets them to open up more and express their feelings.  The following are the three steps to reflective listening...

Definition:

To encourage your campers to be aware of and trust their own feelings and to express their feelings constructively, we recommend using reflective listening.  With reflective listening you reflect, like a mirror, the feelings the child is expressing.  Reflecting their feelings first helps a child feel they are understood and then helps them learn the language of feelings and to express their feelings more clearly.  Reflective listening is both an attitude and a skill.  As an attitude, it means valuing what your camper is feeling and what they have to say.  It means being open to the meaning behind the child’s words and body language.  It means wanting to understand.

• Establish eye contact.  Let your body position show that you are listening.  If your camper’s eye level is at your knee or your waist, this may mean bending down or picking up the child, or you can both sit down.  Stop other tasks and give the child your whole attention.
• Hear and define the feeling.  Hear the child’s words and see their body language.  After listening with full attention, ask yourself, what are they feeling?  Then think of a word that defines the feeing.
• State the feeling.  Now use the feeling word in a sentence.  For example: “You feel mad because John called you a name.” “You feel tired because you played soccer for a long time.” Or less structured “you’re mad that John called you a name.”  “All that playing really tired you out!”

Scenario Example:

After a fun morning, it’s time to go swimming.  Your 6 year old camper stamps her foot and says “I won’t go swimming!”  You are tempted to say, “Oh yes you will!”  Instead you use reflective listening and say “You’re upset that arts and crafts are over and now you have to go swimming.  You were having so much fun.”

Next month’s article will explore part II of communicating with your camper.  If after asking “Whose problem is it?” the answer is “the counsellor’s” or “the whole cabins” then use “I” messages as opposed to reflective listening.  Stay tuned....

• Clinging to one or both parents
• Weight loss
• Withdrawal
• Loss of interest in friends
• Attention seeking behaviour
• Aggression
• Depression
• Bed wetting (younger children)
• Physical symptoms such as: stomach aches, headaches, etc...
• Nightmares/crying
• Refusing to sleep in own bed
• Drinking/drugs/smoking/sexual promiscuity
• Stealing/shoplifting
• Moody/silent/listless
• Avoiding coming home i.e. spending all their time with friends
• Difficulty concentrating
• Resentment
• Defiance i.e. refusal to do chores

The younger a child is, the less they are able to communicate their needs and feelings verbally to you after the separation.  When preschool children feel insecure, stressed out or neglected, they tell you by their behaviour.  Often they regress back to earlier stages such as, thumb sucking, bed wetting, being afraid of the dark, waking up frequently in the night etc...

Older children are more capable of expressing themselves verbally, but they will still show their feelings through their behaviour.  For example, they may begin to withdraw from friends, show a lack of interest in school, or get poor grades.

Adolescents may tell you that they are reacting to the separation by cutting classes, becoming verbally abusive, becoming sexually irresponsible, defying curfew or using alcohol and/or drugs.

Susan Lieberman is in private practice in Toronto as a family therapist and public speaker. For more information call (416) 512-6356.